(to be continued)

Folks, my acceptance letter for my school is in. Now, all i gotta do is send in a deposit to confirm my place.

After the letter came, the wheels around have really been turning and spinning like mad. The money issue is one of em. Settling it with the family and all. I must say, it's really very very pressurising (fuckin izit pressurizing?) Cos almost everyone's chipping in here and there. But they won't be needing to change their lifestyle or wad lah, just savings I guess. And guess everyone's got their back covered. The pressurising thing about all this is my uncertainty how things will turn out really.

It's a huge thing. This whole studies thing. But yet neccesary. I feel that at my age, I'm not takin enough adultly responsiblities. Not enough adult burden. So far, in all my years now, I don't think I've really taken such a big and mammoth, garguntuan step ever. And it's gonna be the step that opens the door for more such things but it's neccesary.

And when I mention pressure, I mean stuff like vying for top spot in the school and it's a tough school man from what I'm hearing. The drop out rate's very real. I don't expect to be such and am quite confident I can stay through the 4 years. But whether I can get top spot is another thing. And on top of that, I still need to build contacts and network myself over there such that when I graduate, I will have a job. Something which I can't guarantee. So besides my studies, I need to put myself out there and sell myself, figuratively of course.

So it's huge. And on top of that, I'd eventually hafta worry abt repayment sooner or later. I can't be wishful about it and think I can just take and go. I gotta be responsible I guess. True, it's no expected to be returned yet it's bad form for me not to either.


Another issue that's coming out in the open is Y's reaction to all this. She's been aware of study plans but guess she's hoping that I won't eventually go. She feels sad I reckon. And now seemingly, the best option for her really is tt we end the r/s. And in some way, I can understand. Of course the qs is whether do I want to keep the r/s.

I dun really know. I was telling X about this and she concluded that I might very well be selfish.

(to be continued)