i awoke with these thoughts in my head.

I want my partner to be my friend, my companion, my lover. Someone I could turn to in my hour of need. Someone strong and independent but yet isn't afraid to show her weaker side. Someone whom I have a common understanding with - understanding mywork commitments as well as I would of hers and others.


Also, I woke up with a Pet Shop Boys tune in my head. Kinda strange cos when I searched for the tune in my itunes, it turned up to be Jealousy. Doubt the title meant anything or maybe it did. I dunno.

I had a long debate which might have resulted in an argument if it went the wrong way. Was having a talk with K (so called cos of a discussion with X). Anyway, it was quite a heated one. She was assesing my r/s with Y and giving me advice about it. Which is fine. What unsettled me is how she could tell me why couldn't i do this or that or should do this or that based on the little facts she knows. And also, she assumes too much on the character of Y, generalising her that just cos she's a woman, she has the potential to be greater.. or was it cos she was a human. But anyhoo, once she said tt, I switched off cos I'm really quite anti-generalisation. Argue on the point of an individual, never a general group cos I'm very against it.

Anyway, on top of that, she made very sweeping assumptions from what she knew. I guess it's not wrong as it is from the little she knows. Like why Y should go out with my friends or my outings and stuff to quell her insecurities and all. What K doesn't know is tt, I've done and tried that already. Anyway, she assumed too much and what's amazing that she has the mentality that she has gone through a lot therefore the right and thinkin that all she spews out must be truths.

Kinda scary tho cos she reminds me a lil of myself.. Like sorta the same arguement styles, cept she's faster whereas I still need time to compose myself. Well, she'd be a good person to debate cept it's concerning personal issues and well, somehow, arguing so passionately about another's problems just seems a bit off.


But however, as I told her, I found her points amusing. But also, she did give me a fresh perspectives on things. Commenting on Y changing, she said, if you someone regularly you wouldn't notice this person gainin weight if she was. And she's right. Maybe Y really is changing but I just don't see it. And yes, K says we're constantly changing, and maybe I look down on Y too much but somehow, I just can't see her changed. But maybe I just need that one year just to see that. We'll see. I guess I shouldn't be too hasty.

Sometimes, I may find Y uninteresting. But who's to if I do find someone over there, who might seem interesting but because of cutltural differences, we have a different upbringing and grew up with different things. How is this different from what I have with Y? I guess differences aside, the redeeming point now would be if she eventually grew up. And let's hope she doesn't take too long a time to do that. Least not before I find someoene serious over there. I also hope that she finds someone here, eventually. This sorta of arrangement doesn't benefit her at all. But I hope before that happens, she learns independence and to be strong.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying i'm a great problem solver but let's just say without me, she's purely left on her own to get things done and to get herself out of hitches at the most dire times. People grow out of these experiences. And I really hope she does. Then maybe she'd grow into someone I'd really one day marry.

To end things.. I still NO IDEA why Jealousy man.. Sheesh.. but i'm playing the song anyway. Nice tune :>