Gay/Metrosexual moment: I love my toner!! I'm tokin about facial toners in case u guys start thinkin about the damn printer one. It's great lah... I mean, all this time, i thought my facial cleanser was doing an ok job tho my skin doesn't quite show it.. BUT, with the toner, my god, i can actually see greyness on the cotton balls after i cleanse n i'm like thinkin.. wtf has my cleanser been doing all this time? :S anyway, after this whole bottle is done, i'm changing man... sheesh


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I've been thinkin abit about my studies and the time that's gonna take me away from here. I wondered if I'd change when I go there. Y has said tt she don't believe a person won't change. I always thought she meant a change of heart. But in any case, i was quite certain i'd stay true to myself. But as I read up more and more about the culture and more so on the lingo, I find it hard to retain too much of myself in order to blend in.

Yes, one shouldn't be a sell out. But in order to socialise, to blur the lines and differences, acceptance is oso key. The trick is staying true to your nature and also to your style and what you believe in. We can blend in on the outside but I feel the difficult thing is reminding ourselves and rememebr who we really are at the end of the day.

But why not be true to yourself and retain your identity? As Veronika says in Pauloelho's Veronika Decideds to Die, "Anyone who live's in their own world is mad". And I believe in this. I could go on cursing, talking my own lingo but if no one understands me, then I'm as good as ostrosizing myself. And seriously, it's never easy to eb the odd person out. But dun get me wrong, I'm not about to steal, rob or take drugs or any shit like tt. There ARE some ideals I still hold on to. i'm talking about the simpler things like dressing among other things.

My ideas would change or be morphed.. not completely changed but modified rather. And hopefully it'd encompass my experience here and there as well...

Yes, i'll def be affected by my experience there and mayb even see things differently after my time there. And I realise, we can't really always stay stagnent. We need to move, to change. Constantly. Else, we'll always be living in the past. Maybe some might find that good. I never did understand it. Shakira once said, "...we always go through the present blindfolded, with our hearts in the past and our minds in the future. And that way, we never enjoy the here and now." I believe that reminisicing and rememebr the past is fine but holding on to it too tightly would prevent you from ever moving too far forward... I guess the key is setting your sights on the future and aiming for it and directing your now to the future.

But who are we really? I don't think we're all set or defined by ONE identity. We're constantly changing. At different stages in our life, we all have a different of values to follow by. While we're studying, courting someone or working.. and even when working, we abide by a different set of values and that's the only way to survive somehow, to know the culture and adapt. yes we must hold true to what we really believe in but we also need to learn to adapt, else, it's tough to get anywhere in your life.

Sounds like a roundabout and maybe it seems like I'm ranting. So what am i saying really? We're constantly changing, there isn't really a true identity for ourselves. What really defines who we really are is our past. That's our identity. This identity's always changing. And it's layers over layers. That's what I feel.