WE'RE ALL ON OUR OWN...


i was having a moment where i was breaking down due to being overwhelmed by the thigns i needed to do. And I thought of who I could call during moments like these. And while there ARE people i know who can and will listen.... I almost feel like there's no purpose to it than to burden someone with your woes when they can in no reality do anything about it.

I've always believe in self reliance and independance. I'm a very strong advocate of it. If anything, I'df like to think that it's one of my strengths though the sad bit of it means it's almost impossible for me to ever rely on anyone for my own support. I'll never be overly reliant on any one thing or any one person although i seem to be very reliant on my craft to define who i am. But what they hey, i've also come to realise there's no such thing as perfection anyway. Everyone is flawed in some way manner shape or form. I love friends, don't get me wrong. And not to downplay their importance but at the end of the day, the one unfortunate day when all your friends happen to have something going on in their lives.. ALL at once... that one eventful day, then who do you have to rely on. Are you going to just falter and break... NO..... and oddly enough it was through 8uffy that I learnt this....when challenge about how she had no weapons and no friends... who or what does she have? ... well, she had herself....

And if there's any one characteristic about me is my self resiliance. I could be alone on my own and at the end of the day, I KNOW I WILL pull through. I will take a moment to freak out a lil bit but because that's happened often enough, I know I just need a moment of that and then settle down and focus on how to solve the issue in front of me. Music does wonders to me at this point. And the reality is, I know i'll have a lot of these moments. That's how i am really. I load myself up with all these things, more things than I really should be doing or NEED to be doing and try to accomplih them and end up freaking myself out. BUT.... i will be stronger at the end of the day. As a H0nd@ ad was talking about.. as a racer, you're always pushing yourself to that edge, that point of uncertainty.... where you get that gut feeling that it might not hold... that's when you know your'e going the fastest......

So i WILL keep pushing against that limit cos only then, do i know I'm doing the best I can... i just need to redirect that energy in the right direction now.