Lately, I've been pondering a lot about my stay here, among other things.

There are occasional days, I feel that maybe all this isn't worth it, and that I should just pack and leave. But then, too much is invested into this. And as I've often said, if I don't do this, I'm not really sure what I can and should do.

Obligations. There are times I feel horrid for what I've done to Y. Well, tho not seemingly directly, but there are times I feel an obligation to her. That she's my responsiblity to take care of. And that I shouldn't have made her upset and left her. And that maybe things would be sorta easier if we stayed on together and I stayed back home. I'm just feeling bummed about things I guess.

And there's been things happening here and there. I guess some people go through this as well. I go through spells of self doubt... well, not really self doubt.. but well, a identity crisis maybe? I don't know. I feel that sometimes, when I put on so many masks in my life, everyday.. I lose track of who I really am. I know we're all multi layered, but which am I really? M i the nice geeky dude from secondary school who was so naive about everything and wishful about all things? Or m i some cynic fuck who grew up thinking wrongly about the world? Or m i someone trying to be somebody I think I should be, and wanna be but shouldn't be cos it's just not my character to be? But seriously, which am I? I constantly fight with what I am, should be and wanna be. Maybe everyone does this as well.

Schizo said aline which I guess we hear often enough.. maybe at the end of the day, it really is sucha case,... regardless of circumstances and what we go through and what is dished at us.. end of the day "we've got to do wat we've got to do." So shit may come our way... but we'll still hang tight and go the rest of the way.. this is the journy of life i guess..