TEMPORARY RELEASE

yesterday turned out to be a good day spent tho I hope the endings would not always be such..

Went down to downtown LA to do my assignments. It was a rather interesting experience but I'm sorta running out of things to shoot man. Especially when they give us specific things to shoot and you're suposed to shoot it visually well. That's tough.

But it was a good evening. A friend invited me over to his place. Made a couple of new friends. His place was toally surreal. He lives with a gay couple (his straight btw) and well, the place rocks man. i should take a pic of it when I pop by again sometime. It was really nice looking. Anyway, he cooked dinner and we all chipped in here and there to help. Who knows.. maybe if he does this often enough, I might pick up a thing or two. Would be so much better if this other girl whom i think is interesting to know, was there. She's quite into cooking apparantly and I like the fact that she's European, somewhat.

Anyway, had a somewhat not too bad dinner. least it wasn't salty or anything like that. Then we decided to hit the bars closer to where I was. Now that was the bad part really.

I drank a liquid heroin, and another shot of something else, might have been another sort of heroin.. (these are shots btw and not actual drugs). Then before that, I had 2 glasses of beer. And the shots were quite a big deal.. literally. They were like 2 shots of the regular shots I get back home. So when faced with needing to down it.. you really had to open up your throat and down it good man. It was really something cos I was wondering how the fuck I was gonna finish that at one go. No way i could slowly sip it. And I think there was a shot of Jack somewhere in between drinks as well. I was quite wasted. Thankfully, I managed to drive to my friend's place which was only 3 blocks away without being pulled over.

We sorta liked how the cops who were outside the bar were telling all of us to quickly go back to our cars.. Right.. get back to your cars so we can bust you later. Anyway, nothing happened. But I had to hang at my friend's place so that we could sober up. i would've slept there if I didn't have to send my friend back to his place.. I was SUPPOSED to be the designated driver.. did a fucked up job anyway. So anyway, after close to 2 hours, I was still feeling bad but much better. Had a naggy feeling at the back of my head. Anyway, my friend drove back to his place in my car and I drove back and was feeling much better tho I don't think I'd ever do that again.

Next time this happens, no drinks for me past one shot/glass. Really feel horrid needing to drive in that state. Never again. Kinda got carried away. Actually, I think everyone did cos everyone hasn' really gone out proper and this was sorta the first REAL outing tht we've actually done so it's kinda cool that we could just go hang like that. It was good.

Woke up today feeling like shit. Didn't even unpack my car when ic ame back last night and had to leave it to this morning. Spent today napping a bit, grabbing groceries and thinking about a project I need to be working on. Been sick these couple of days. But it should be getting better.

It's gonna be a hectic week again as usual. Need to work doubly hard so my weekends can be free. But then, when it's free and you dont' quite have anyone or people to spend with, it's gonna suck. Ah wells.. anyway, weekends are porbably gonna be spent travelling to new places. For me, it's to find new stuff to shoot and to explore a lil. Maybe I'll drop by Santa Monica which is an hour odd to get there and check things out there. Maybe.

Keep thinking back about the lost relationship these days. i'm not hoping to get back together. That's definitely not gonna happen. But I do question tho, and I really don't know why I couldn't look past the things that affected me. We definitely loved each other alot. Tho questions always arise if we loved ourselves more. I've always thought I wasn't right for her and lately, I'm thinking, why couldn't I try to be right for her. Why couldn't I change some bits of my life and myself to suit her if I really did love her as much as I said I did. Was it cause I didn't love her enough? Was it cause I loved myself more?

Ever since the first r/s I had, I've always been so afraid to lose myself in one. Y hated that and kinda blames a lot on that reason. But she can't hope for that not to happen as well, without that blow, i wouldn't have woken up. Someone once said the second r/s would always be bad because you would over compensate for what you did wrong in the first. And the third would probably be more balanced out. I don't know.

But yet, some would say that the fighting we always had was all because we were passionate about each other. I don't know how true that is and how ridiculous that really sounds. I guess fighting's a sort of passion.

Anyway, I'm still staying off girls of my own kind. Reminds me too much of Y somehow. Kinda sucks cos I have the impression they'd be like her. Lest they're localised I guess.

Or maybe I should go for Europeans. They're nice too. Least the one I've been checking out and gone out for dinner with. But alas, she's attached. Dammit.. the more interesting ones always are. It's kinda sad.

It's kinda funny cos normally, I'd be attraced to people quite easily but these days, I'm having obstacles in front of me, set up by myself. Oh, she's cute.. but nah.. she's too this or too that. Or maybe it's just sour grapes cos they're either attached or not making it easy for me to ask them out. Hmm.. that must be it.

Anyway, I'll try to get pictures taken of the people I hang out with. Somewhat a fun bunch. Well, some of em anyway. THe arty geeky bunch are really beyond me. Totally don't dig the conversation at all.

Alright.. it's dinner time now. Laterz peeps..