CRUSH VS. LOVE... VS... BAD FEELING

I'm in love!! Well, not quite. I would LIKE to think that I am but nah... hardly. It's something I'm not so sure of these days. But it is somewhat similar I guess. So to downplay it a lil.. I'll just call it a crush. Or maybe an infatuation. And it's this lovely girl in class.

Well, she's nice looking. Pretty nifty. Sweet looking, cute.. sassy and I do think she's sexy. She looks quiet but yet, I dont' quite get that same vibe of quietness. I don't know.. some one with a tattoo doesn't scream quiet to me. She reads. First time I saw was outside the cafeteria by the benches. Was really a magical moment tho. Was admiring how nice her hair was. And how it drooped down to cover her face as titled her head down to her book on her lap. It really WAS nice. But alas, so far, I've only had ONE outing with her and that wasn't exactly a condusive enviroment to get to know her cos, well, we were somewhat distracted. Least I was anyway. Went to chinatown to shoot an assigment. I guess I should happy she agreed to tag along with me when I asked. but then, you never know if she is just there to shoot. Or maybe she was and didn't midn my company. i don't know. Who really knows. I tried talking to her on the phone today and I have this feeling she didn't quite understand what I was saying. It seems to happen when I talk on the phone. Maybe in 6 months, I'll sort this out. She's having a family thingy this weekend so askin her out for dinner would be out. Lest I do so on Sunday. We'll see. Ask her tomorrow in class. Problem? She has a bf. Well, not really a problem.. cos .. no.1 I don't care. no.2 he's 2 hours away. no.3, they just got together. no.4. they're having problems. All's fair in love and war man.

I just love this feeling of being infatuted with someone. But yet somehow, I'm still TRYING to play it cool. I'm not sure how that's coming along tho.

On another note. I hate what I'm shooting. As my instructor puts it, I'm not feeling it. And that is true. There are so many people who can shoot better than I can. It's really demoralising. Makes me quesiton what I'm doing wrong. Makes me quesiton my decision and presence here. But then, I think about what else I could and wanna do and I can't think of anything else. THIS is what I want to do. THIS is all I can imagine myself doing. THIS is where I wanna be. So i'm gonna stick through it all.

Y's been acting odd these days. The way we're talking.. it almost SEEMS we're together. But ah well, maybe she's having a bad time at work and I'm just bored and lonely. Again.. who knows.

But yeah.. i do hope i can get a date out with this new babe in class. And get to know her more and much better. But it's so tough to do all these while trying ot balance school. Tough tough tough... We'll see.