time...

Grey's talks of time this week. Sometimes, you just got to say you love her before it gets to late... before she's gone.. before someone else comes along.

But yet, some of us choose to wait a lil.. waiting.. for that right moment to tell her. But we miss our chance and realise we lost our chance.. she's moved on... and moved on to someone else.

The notion of love is always being questioned. How do we know if we love someone? When do we know now's the time to love someone? When will we ever know?

I've always had multitudes of reasons. Excuses rather, to debunk a person truly loving another. like how this person is only with this guy cos of her past and how she can't let go.. or this current guy is only to get over the old. Or that she has issues she has to deal about herself.. or that this person can't be alone... There's always reasons... obstacles.

I keep stopping myself from going the step... Not pinning too much hopes on to someone. I don't wanna end up having this person to be my beam.. my support.. not too much anyway.

Seriously hate watching grey's but I still do it anyway. Really sucks when you're lonely with no one here. I hate to admit it but I'm lonely. I hate the fact I don't have anyone to rely on here. I don't have my trustworthy friends (not saying the people here are bad or anything like that). I'm not sure who to turn to in the event of a jam. I miss having that warm body beside me which i took for granted when it was there. I miss having this person crying to me when she's sad. Hugging me when she's happy. Yeah.. I'm lonely. But yet I'm trying to prevent myself from just jumping to the next warm body. I just miss those times I guess...

Those reasons are still stuck in my head tho... those skepticisms... they're together because one of em is lonely. Or has issues or what not.. Or maybe they both have issues.. Or one doesn't quite like the other as much.

I'm begining to think ... screw all those reasons. Maybe end of the day, we should be happy that we have that someone we WANT to love. And it's a tricky thing .. knowing and feeling love.

There are some people you know are suitable for you, but there just isn't that spark. Then there's some, all you have is that spark but your characters and interests totally don't match up or even clash.

I miss that spark. I miss the look of tenderness when i'm looking through someone's eyes... That unguarded gaze. That softness.

I don't know.. I'm lonely... I just wish there was just this one person for me to call on I guess.. Probably lookin for love for the wrong reasons I guess..

End of the day, I guess, When the world is gone... there's only one person you can rely on. Yourself. No one else. I tire of trying to find someone to do this or do that. And when I extend my arm.. no one goes for it. My hand's getting tired.. End of the day, maybe it's best I just used it for myself.

I'm expecting too much. Whatever happen to the dude who didn't expect a lot out of things? Well, I guess I should still take risks.. but extend my arm for a short while and pull it back faster these days. I'm dangling myself out there for too long. I need to move on faster.

Do i have a person I love? I dont' think so. Is there someone I wish I could love n love me back. Unfortunately, no. People look nice to be with but that's it. But time I guess. Give it time. Hopefully, everything will work out by the end of the term. For now.. focus on my work.

I'm sorry about the drony entry. It comes with watching Grey's.