Responsbility. Running from it.

I always wonder what's my fear in that. When I feel that the load is getting heavier.. i just drop it and run. it sucks really.

The past few nights i've been thinking alot. Fuckin can't sleep man.

I thought about Y alot. Was playin the songs to put me to sleep cos they were less taxing on the brain n mainly more heartfelt so it was easier to sleep to then worrying about how to apply for this or what to buy.

Y had once accused aboutr being selfish or irresponsible or something like tt. I wonder if it's anything to do with my fear of wanting too much responsibility. That I wasn't ready. Or maybe end fo the day, i'm just a stereotypical guy who's afriad of commitment. I dunno, maybe she hit it at the right spot. I'm commitment phobic? Seems to be the pattern anyway. Got leaderhsip roles, I run. It's just so funny somehow. Maybe I see marriage as somewhat an added burden, with all tt responsibility. Maybe that's why I want to find soemone i dont' really NEED to be SO responsible for. Cos I think I got enuff shit to worry about on my side as it is. Don't get me wrong, it's not tt I mind, but I dont' wanna be the only one holding the roof above our heads.

But I AM understanding for my role and job eventually, I'm gonna hafta step up to the plate and be the head honcho in all this. So yeah.

School was kinda inspiring today. Saw the graduating's class work today and I really can't wait to start school. I hear of the stresses and the late nights and all but I really can't imagine myself doing anything else but this. And if the late nights are needed then so be it. But yeah, i probably need to go for grad shows to pump myself up tho a month would have to pass b4 term starts again n id unno whether the energy would last til then :p

Anyway, I need to run liao. Need to sleep. Toodles people. Hope everyone is doing well. Glad everyone's advancing n making some sort of progress one way or another. Cool... keep it up :)