No surprise that I wake up each morning thinking about what has happened recently..


THE ONE: a person whom you loved with all your heart whom you believe to be the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with.


You know, I've always believed that the search for the one was never ending. That if you always kept your eyes open constantly, hoping to find a girl than the one you have would be endless cycle.

Of course, some have told me that if you didn't do that, then the person with whom you are with is probably the ONE for you. If you saw no need to open your eyes to the people you meet, wondering.. what if.

But I think most people do that. Meet people in our lives we think might have been a better ideal for us. But it's the choice of sticking with what you have chosen. That's commitment.

That's what I believed.

There will always be a better person out there in the world for us. ALWAYS. It's a question of whether you'd find this person and whether this person would think the same of you. Or even have feelings for you at all. It's big risk to take to give up your current happiness believing that there MIGHT be a better person out there and that you might actually meet this person and you'd be mutually attracted to each other. Quite a lot of unknowns huh. Funny how there are people who stay on believing that they'll meet the one. Is it silly? Or should we be content with who we have now? Even tho you're uncertain.


I was glad to have a conversation with a long time friend. Amazing when I think about it cos we've known each other for close to 10 years. In fact, she's the longest running female friend next to my ex gf who falls short of her by a year. But hey, these are statistics, nothing more.

Anyway, she was the one who made the comment about me having changed quite a bit from before and I guess I really did. But hey, I think most of us do from our teens to adulthood. We learn the harshness and reality of life and adapt to it. But yet, isn't it weird that our perception of love should change? We're more cynical about it. Skeptical if we'll ever find the one person for us. Of course, the feeling of having a crush walk in the room never ever changes.


I digress.. I brought up this friend because through this conversation with her, it made me accept a lil more of what I did. And true, we all know it's neccesary, it doesn't make things all the more easier or better.

I was telling her that I wasn't sure with what I wanted. And I didn't want this uncertainty to be the burden to others, more so to the person I loved. I wasn't certain of her, and somehow, it lead to me not really certain of what I really wanted. But maybe the people around me saw this better cos she said that it wasn't that I wasn't so much uncertain about her, but that I was certain with what I wanted. Maybe I had once said what I wanted but somehow, it never struck me. And maybe I thought I wasn't certain cos I couldn't bear to tell Y that I knew what I wanted and she wasn't it.

But grief will always be upon me for I had known this much much earlier but yet chose to prolong this. From the very begining, when we first broke up, I had thought this. But I was so swayed by what she said that I thought I should at least give this a shot. Or maybe I just didn't have the heart to stick with what I believed which I knew would hurt her. But look what my indecisive has done.

End of the day, I don't think it's because I stopped trying but because I was afraid that it would leave her with nothing. That I would be a failed investment on her part. I feel like a cheat telling her the whole 'I'd be back for you at the end of the road.' or saying that maybe she can join me there cos I didn't really believe it. Somehow, I think everything last so long was because I was too soft and wasn't strong enough to tell her the truth. And people around me believe that I wasn't being fair to her which I knew.

Maybe end of the day, this IS for the better for her. That finally, I'm being honest with her. Being fair with her. As the song goes, 'you've got to be cruel to be kind'. But I really hate the fact that I had to hurt her just to get to this. Maybe the last breakup was the best. Least, it was easier for me cos I didn't feel like I did anything wrong. (the last breakup was the one with the other guy in the pic for those who have trouble keeping track of our up n down r/s :S )

Maybe end of the day, time will really heal the wounds and time will tell.. Amazing how time is isn't it?

One step at a time.