You know, everyday, i've been constantly thinking about the whole Y issue. And I tihnk I'm really really confused. A large part of me feels that it's better for her that I left her. BUT ... a new thought came to me recently. I've always been puzzled why she was always so adament in holding on to the relationship even tho things sometimes seemed meaningless (to me anyway). I always thought it was her inability to be objective and see things for what they are. I always thought that it was due to her emotion that caused her to be so unwilling to let go. But one day, in the toilet (as usual), it suddenly hit me (while the shit hit the bottom of the toilet bowl :p ), I suddenly admired her for her insistence in the relationship despite me not making it easy for her, conciously or otherwise. It's really impressive and maybe a part of her tenacity is due to her being unable to see a larger picture or even far into the future BUT, I admire her because of this. That despite my efforts to try to push her away, she keeps coming back. And strangely enough, I've never really admired her for anything much really, but seemingly now, I do, tho it MAY be by default.

But it doesn't change alot of things. I'm still uncertain about the relationship, as well as my future and its effect on her. Funnily enough, was wathcing some morning show on tv over breakfast at the hotel and they were saying that all relationships have problems. The show was talking about the possiblity of soul mates or believing in them. And they were sayin that to have a list or criteria just isn't possible. And also sounding out a general statement that every relationship will need a working at regardless. And strangely enough, Y did tell me that before. That every relationship will have problems. So I guess that aside, we SHOULD work at how we resolve them which is somewhat part of the problem.

And as the show goes, it's all about how you work at it I guess... I did think that before. That there is no perfect fit or person but anything close to a perfect relationship was how you and your partner are willing to work at your relationship. Haiz.. headache headache...

I'm going for lunch...