Ok, everyone's gonna think i'm hypocritical and having double standards. But heck, we all are at some point in our lives.

Which should I lament about. Probably in chronological order.

Went to sec sch to visit teachers. So nice catching up with em. :) Went wif vin n jos. A lot has changed. Went to borders to do some uni research. Gonna do more tomorrow. Today's not a very constructive day. Going out too much for the day and come night, I'll be too lazy or not in the mood. Anyway, had a nice long chat wif vin. Been sucha long time.

Went back, drove my dad's mechanic car to meet the Raven peeps at hans. Stupid car damn funky man. Too small for me man. Menat for someone shorter. Kneess were knockning the steering column and i had to bend down to see the side mirror cos it's not tt adjustable. Anyway, meet up with them was cool. always fun and always so cock everyone. It's nice. :) Met up wif steve for a drink at wine bar. A doesn't noe cos I figured I didn't wan her to worry so much abt things. Went for 1 drink. So kinda really yi si yi si. While sitting at wine bar, I sorta miss those times of trying to 'hong' the gals. Now I dun really stress so much cos well.. i dunno, i just don't.

I sometimes wonder why it's so hard to do what I wanna do. Be typically 'hong', chat up gals, buy them a drink, get them tipsy, go hotel n blah.. u noe. Well, ethics aside, i've come to realise that it all takes one very important thing.. MONEY. in this case, i guess it is the root of the evil.

You see, to chat them up, you need to be of some substantial status or least feel significantly confident enough. Self assurance's sorta seasonal for me. Or varies from occasion to occasion. Also depends on the opportunity. Be too obvious, it sorta sucks and seems lame. To me anyway. Once with the opportunity/window to chat them up, you can offer to get them drinks. (it's only gentlemenly tt we do). STRIKE 1: I'm already a cheap fuck with my own drinks, what makes you think I'll be generous to someone whom I have no guarantee on anything at all at the end of the night.

Assumin i do decide to get her drinks n haf done so. Next turnign point would be, a place at the end of the night. Bring her back my place? R u kidding? People these days are somewhat psychotic, from experience. Last thing I want her stalkin my place if things turn ugly. I dun really mind the stakin out but my family would be invovled. I always believe, if i do face shit tt's a result from my recklessness, it should be my burden to bear. So ok, to eliminate tt problem, i need a prim n proper place which won't inconvenience anyone. 3 options: public, hotel or my own pad. Public would be risque and might not always appeal. and the following 2? STRIKE 2: again, with money.

As I left with steve, this diablo drove in. Lime green with a chick wif a matching coloured sweater in it as the passenger. The bouncers lamented tt the driver's a trillionaire. Me n steve thot he doesn't need to work for the rest of his life. How nice tt would be, sorta. So we both toyed with the idea of 'if we were rich, wad would we do'. I wouldn't get things too ex either. I dun need to be all THAT rich. Just rich enough to not worry about money problems. I'm not extravagent. I dun wish for a big house, i dun wish for classy clothes or meals. I never acquired a taste for em. I just wan a nice tag heur watch, a decent 2 seater car tt's a lil flashy and a decent place tt doesn't need to even be a house. I'm quite with them bacehlor pad kinds (i can imagine myself to be a bachelor at 30 but somehow not married, i dunno why, but i thot it cool when i was single). The main thing is i wanna be rich enough such that I don't have to worry about every cent i spend. Rich enough to go buy or treat people without worrying too much. but I doubt tt'd happen in the next 10 years.

It is times like these, I wish I had a decent paying job rather than leading a so called 'artiste life' which is the only logical name I cna think it seein i'm not monetary driven but more on wad i wanna do rather than what i should do. It's conflicting. I wanna have a choice to be all fake-o n attend those parties, smile n hee hee haa haa but yet haf real people to be with as well. I'm greedy i know.

Anyway, lookin at the chicks there last night made me miss those times and wish i was financially independant. It's kinda saddenin cos if i ever do become financially dependant, these supposed simpler things in life might not appeal anymore.

maybe not. chicks will always be alluring. We are human after all. But anyway, I need to remember what I really want in my life. If I were to do what I truly want to do yet be significantly wealthy, I must Must MUST be successful in what I do. I must be good. And for god's sake, i must be disciplined. hate the fact that I'm not.

I wan to and I will.

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On a different and slightly bit. You guys remember A's guy from the past. I'm havin suspicions. Funnily enough, I was so hoping A wont' call cos i'm supposed to be home but yet out with steve. So anyway, I msged her when I was leavin my camp mates. And when with steve, she msged tt no matter what she does or says, remeber tt she love me. I'm like tellin steve, shit, y out of the blue msg me this, does she know something's going on? Then we joked tt maybe she saw me n afraid i might see her at zouk or something. :p

Her plan for the noon was go shoppin with her friend (friend stays at Toa Payoh (TP)btw, it's important for later). In the evenin, I had gotten wind that she was at TP after dinner. Found it strange cos it's quite late but figured, maybe follow friend back or something. All these happened b4 meeting steve, so nothing popped to mind yet. So everything last night seemed pretty ok. For the past 2 days, her nick seemed weird. Today was (in mandarin) i love you, even tho i haf left go.

So anyway, I itchy finger and decided to pop back into friendster to check out tt guy and guess wad? He never logged in since june and within the last 24 hours, he did. And his profile was updated, home town is now, surprise surprise TOA PAYOH!!! (was previously Serangoon Nth). So I did the next logical thing, I went to check A's friendster and wadya noe, same thing, not the TP bit lah, her last log in was 24 hours too. KNNB!!! Coincidence? For her, most days who's too busy to go into friendster n to do so after i told her abt findin online? (she had visited his site 2 days ago). So now, what could I be thinking? I think it's pretty obvious. Unless it's all a freaky coincidence, i seriously haf strong suspicions what she was doing over at TP. Probably nothing at all but a catch up (i hope) but still, bloody freakin hell, tell me.

I'm still deciding how to approach this whole thing. KNN, 'hung' me when she msged me last night and for all you know, it's too quell her guilty conscience. CCB.

Yeah yeah, i know, I'm being double standard here. We'll see. Let you guys know an update if anything happens. Meetin her today.