FYI, my life just took a turn and guess wad? We're together again. Met her yesterday to talk about our decision last week. And the decision to stay together or not kept swinging back and forth. I had to make sure it wasn't a temp solution to the long term problem. I guess through the talks with her, I kinda realise the importance of my word and faithfulness and more so about committment. And the things I said to console her about our relationship also made me realise at that moment about it as well. The reason why i treasured this relationship more was maybe cos, we had put in more effort into it. True the difficulties were abundant but that somehow made me cherish it more when it wasn't there. It's like, all we fought for was for nought and I'm not about to give up just like that.

I said, what makes her so sure that when i said I wouldn't stray, I won't do something else there. Her worry is that I won't come back alone. I said, i can give her my word now but things might end up differently. And it is what she said next that made me feel the importance of keeping to it. She said that she believe wholy wad I gave my word towards. When I promise that I won't do this, she really believes it to the letter cos she knows I ain't one that makes empty promises. And that is a trait that's not often practiced and more so, my determination to keep to it.

I won't noe what's the outcome of the relaitonship really. It is my hope that marriage is an eventuality. As Jan says, what's wrong with her, she showers you with attention, loves you and cares for you. And I think that it's not something I might be able to find in everybody. I can stand tall on my own as it is and certainly don't need one to support me. But when I fall, I look to her for comfort and I know she's always there for me. That's all that really matters. Connectivity is something that can be grown over time. We definitely connect with each other more now compared to when we first started. our own lingo and stuff and things we share and moments as well. True these things happen eventually but my instinct to care for her, for someone doesn't necesarily happen all the time.

Like the story of this person who was told to walk the fields to pick the most beautiful flower and could only do so when he walked forward but not on his walk back. He came back empty handed because he kept thinkin there was a prettier flower ahead until he realised that he reached the end and could only come back empty handed. I think I lost track of this for some time. Sometimes, life doesn't give u the opportunity to walk back to pick up what you have lost. So mistakes and opportunities are something we got to be aware of. The consequences of each decision.

I'm glad that this whole episode made me realise the whole importance of us. And maybe it is in these trials and tribulations that the bond becomes stronger. And that we cherish each other cos fo what we've been through.

On a side note tho. I think I'm spending too much unnecesary time on the internet and it's time to be more constructive and stop going to rubbish sites. So as of now, other than blog, school searchign or any other research, nothign else on my IE. Must focus liao...