I sometimes wonder if I'm a good writer. I highly doubt so tho. Then I wonder if I'm smart due to all the sorts of things I wonder about. Again, I think not, tho sometimes I think I am. (go figure)

I realise after not having read a book for aeons, even tho my last book was during the trip. But somehow, reading about Vampires ain't exactly a insightful read. I love Paul Coelho's books even tho I've effectively only read finished one and am actually embarking on the 2nd one right now which si Eleven Minutes.

I think about the things I think about and wonder if any of these help me in being a better person. I spend so much energy sometimes, just wondering about how life or rather what life is all about and what truly makes a person happy. Love and all and what not. I realise I need to read more to open my mind.

One bit of the book spoke of Honour, Dignity and Self Respect. I thought of pride and however proud you should be of yourself, all these should not matter when with your significant partner.

Jan keeps mentioning to me, reminding me indirectly that I am a person of passion. And that materials don't matter to me. I sometimes wonder if it's because I have the fortune of being in a stable family, financially speakin. I never thought myself to be reach, just average. We don't splurge on extravagant (typo?) stuff. I certianly don't spend unnecessarily. Least I don't think so. So with money not so much of a problem, I can focus on things I really desire to do. To pursue my dreams, tho with a risk of failure and coming back empty handed. But I can't allow that of course.

I don't I'm all that much a proud person. In fact, I think I'm sometimes a lowly person cos somehow, there are some things I don't mind doing tho it might seem not respectable.

I wonder right now if A despises me. Cos I just realised that she might have a reason to. For not loving her enough to not go. To not end the relationship earlier knowing full well she is at a disadvantage. For not being more adament in our previous breakups to save her time. Or hating cos she realised all the things I realised in the past couple of days. I still maintained I loved her. I didn't as much initially but learnt to do so cos she taught me to.

I've also realised that I can't afford to tell too many people my problems and some things I consider a secret. More so when some people, I dont' deem as being all that smart in knowing what to and what not to say. S much s I trust them as friends but sometimes, they jsut dont' know better.

I would like to write more but I realise that my thoughts now are incoherent so I probably shouldn't write as much. I had many thoughts in my head when I was out but now, they're somehow all over the place and I can't lock down on one. Also, I think I'm quite sleepy right now. I'd best sleep soon. I wanna be focused. Our fate is ours to create.

Hope tomorrow I'd have an insightful entry. Nights people. Btw, guys, wanna meet up soon? When you guys free? Lemme noe alright? Ciao.. :)