So often.. too often I look into the mirror
I find myself questioning who it is I'm going to be today.
The fact that this isn't the first post is testament of that.

A large part of me wants to be that niave person who believes that the world would be better.
That there was true love out there and that it'd find it's way to me one day.

But a another part of me is bitter about things and in that same way, is what keeps me going.

I know the world isn't a pretty place. I never believed that there was a whole lot of hope in it. But oddly enough I go through the day acting as it it was.. full of hope that is. I go around portraying myself ditzily, as if believing that everything was good but i just knw that there will always be an ass around the corner who's gonna screw me over. And the ironic thing is people have the impression that nothing seems to get me down. Shows how well people acutally know me.

Who really knows who we really are? Who really know what we do and how we are behind closed doors?

There's so many things about me that's conflicting.. and I've always found myself always being drawn to the darker side of things. It feels somewhat comforting to have that little world to hide in. And sometimes, it gives me strength to do what I need to do. But once in while, I just want to relax and bask in the sunlight and actually enjoy the glow.

And this dark world of mine worries me sometimes because I don't think people necessarily understand it. Nor would they actually appreciate or try to understand it. I do wonder if at times, having a partner does keep those things together. That having both worlds don't seem so bad if someone dear to me actually understood it.

So who am i really? Which face do I show the world today?

I do wish there was someone here I could actually talk to about this but everyone just come off being too gossipy. And I don't need it. Nor do i need someone to judge me. I don't need people to know that i'm confused about myself. And a big relief about this blog is that the people I know who read this blog are people whom i trust a lot and I know won't judge or assume one aspect about me based on one entry. And the they understnad i'm more than just one blog entry. But i guess that's what years of friendship does.. :) Thank you guys.