It is with great sadness always when something once dear, ends and with nothing to hold on to.

I'm not sure why I always want to maintain a friendship after a r/s is over. Maybe it's a form of closure. Least in this case with Y, it is such.

Tried reverting to the normal conversations we used to have and it was nice for a moment. But I later found out it was all a front. In reality, she still hated me for all that I've done. Believe you me, I found that out the hard, painful and direct way. She was still angry. And somehow, I don't think it's possible to even be friends now. And it saddens me a lot.

But why is it so important to keep the friendship going?

I guess for me, no matter how bad things were, when i've come to accept things, I still wanna have something that's to prove of the time of existence. For me, it's so that those 3 years weren't a total waste and that something good still came out of it. But as I learnt, obviously, she didn't share the same sentiments. Which i find it a shame cos 3 years just disappeared jsut let that with nothing to show for it. Cos all she could see right now is how I had not factored her into my plans n that I had no intentions of ever bringin her over. And it really saddens me that that's all she ever saw and will see of this relationship. It's hurtful as it is saddening and a shame. Cos all she'll ever see of me is being a selfish person.

I know I ain't entirely but somehow, so long as she doesn't see that, it's really pointless isn't it?

But then, I thought to myself how someone could be so simple minded and only could see what was in front of her hand and nothing more. That how someone could only think one step dirctly infront of them but never more. in some way, it made me kinda glad that we weren't together anymore. I could confront her, try to make her realise everything and the point of the breakup, but somehow, i don't think she could ever listen and somehow, it just reinforces the reasons that lead to the break up.

I'm not saying that she's a bad person. I dunno, I guess somehow, just don't see the point anymore. I couldn't be her friend or anything else then why then should I put myself on the line and try to advise her when she doesn't listen. It just doesn't seem right and would probably be harmful to my emotional healthy anyway.

Anyway, she's too full of hate right now and there's no place in that world of hers for me. And I do believe she blocked me whcih in some way is a good thing anyway. I do hope that eventually she finds things out for herself and learns. it's a shame that sometimes, she lacks the propansity to learn faster and in a smarter way. But if the type of people are anything to be reckoned with, then it is their ability to attract the people who do such things for them.

And strangely enuff, after i've done the filtering of people who have access to my blog.. i realise, the women who DO have access to it are people who don't fall under the above category. They are in essence, independant but yet not without weaknesses and inadequacies. The difference is they know how to deal and they learn fast. And they aren't too hot headed and they think clearly. I guess somehow, for women, because they have such high tendancies to react by emotion, someitmes, it's not a good idea to have such privy to my inner thoughts. So yeah...

Guys generally are more predictable and controlled. And the furthest impulse they might have is probably a punch to the face. And those who don't and brew a plan to get back, well, these are people I already have trust who won't do such. So yeah.. I hope there won't be any changes in the future.

Anyway, thanks for reading guys.