I thought to myself if I stopped loving her. I couldn't bring myself to say I did. Stop loving her that is. Maybe it's habit but I still can't stop worryin, caring nor can i bear to hurt her. Which is a lot of what's stoppin me from leavin cos I know she'd be hearbroken and I don't want to be the cause of that. But I'm also aware that I can't continue on the relationship with her either. Not like this. Neither am I capable of doing it like before. To continue on without feeling a tinge of guilt tt I'm leading her on, makin her believe tt everything is ok. I don't think it's fair for me.

In summary the reality is, I still love her and would probably take some time to get over her but a relationship with her is no longer possible. It's all a matter of timing now. When is a good time. Rather when I'm crazy enough. It's funny. The start and end of a r/s is always filled with jitters, uncertainties and timings. Irony? maybe...