Am I letting history happen again? Am I allowing my own uncertainties or lack of faith in her gettin in the way? There used to be a time when I trusted her unconditionally, without a falter, without doubt. Today, it's all gone. And I really don't know why.

Boy from the past has made headlines again. This time, story goes is he asked her to go shopping for a watch with her (lame). And within 5 mins, she tells me that change of plans, going over his sister's place for dinner and also, her social worker friend will be there (A's trying to find out about social work kinda thing). Now, if this is an elaborate plan to try to do something funny, I'm saying I'm impressed by the bread crumb trail. Be it by boy from past or her. It's great. Flawless cos I can't say no. Fuckin hell.

Or, things could just be the truth and nothing more and i'm just 'hu shi luan xiang' again. I'm seriously trying very very hard to not to think otherwise and very hard to convince myself tt there's nothing, but somehow, the more i try, the more foolish I feel. I mean u dun need a genius to know what I'm thinkin man.

Last night, she pulled a funky one on me. She wasn't home yet at 1ish (not normal cos it's a school day the next day) tho she did go watch soccer wif her friends (tt's somewad normal, her watchin soccer). So I tried callin her but to no avail. So after repeated calls of 10-20 times, she calls back and tells me she just got home (match ended at 1245, it doesn't take 45 mins for her to get home. She claims tt her phone was on silent. Thing is, besides watching a show, she never has the habit of tt. I'm not sayin she's doing something fuckin bad or wad, but it does give me cause to wonder what she's up to. And by my own experience, it really IS an unusual thing for her to do. Gonna ask why it was on silent.

Anyway, she totally spoiled my day today and prob for the rest of the fucking week. Now I just feel like going clubbin wif a girl all alone jsut to spite her. Childish as it is but I think i've tolerated nonesense for long enuff while keeping at bay what I think i should and shouldn't do. Fuck man. Pissing me off.

FUCK FUCK FUCK....!!!!!!