I really can't sleep. Funnily enuff, tt's after i dozed off as usual while online.

I have so much on my mind regarding her. I so much want to email her everything. But yet somehow, I can't anymore. I wanna tell her so much. I wanna tell her how much I wish things were different. i wanna tell her to walk in my shoes, to see what I see so she'll understand what pain I feel.

I'm begining to lose faith in this whole love business. If things do go wrong due to this other guy, than it's the 2nd time in history that it has happened. And I seriously dun believe I did anything wrong this time wrong. Which leads to the question if there's anything wrong with me.

I'm so hoping this drinkin will get me to sleep. Silly enuff tt I try to get jope not to to get himself to sleep but I find myself in the same predicament. Stayed awake a whole half hour to an hour trying to get to sleep but I just can't.

Why won't I understand that she's not worth the trouble? I somehow dun wanna break up over the exact circumstances as was wif my ex. It's too traumatising. Granted I probably won't be so destructive but it really sux for the record.

I'm trying so very hard to maintain sanity. To keep things normal so that nothing wil be out of place. So that I won't be inevitably chasing her to him. I'm tryin so very hard despite knowing so full darn sure there's really more tt meets the eye and the fuck thing is that she doesn't know it. So it seems I'm the crazy one now.

Finally understand what they mean by drownin their sorrows.

yay.. i'm high. I'm so glad I'm low maintenance in this sense. Pretty soon I can sleep. I hope. Just need to go lie down.

-----

If I wrote her a letter how would it be.....?? Hmmm...

"I miss the times we shared. I miss the times when trust was so prevalent but sadly lost in these days. I wish I could make you see what's happening. And make u understand.

I miss the times when I was more trusting. Believing everything about ya. That all you said was pure but yet as time goes by, I begin to realise that you're more ignorant to what's happening. but maybe in tt sense, that was purity.

*fuck, think my metabolism is increasing. Beer's effect wearing off... sheesh... TEQUILA!!!*

Sigh, i duno where i'm goin wif all these. I'm gonna go to sleep and hope tt later today goes well wif her when I meet her. I dunno how it's gonna be but I just hoep I'm able to keep my mout shut and my emotions in control. :(