Part (II)
As the days past and more events happen, I can't say for certain that I loved her as much as i did in the past. I'm no longer sure. I keep askin if there is more I can do and whether I should. Some tell me that if I'm askin that, then something is wrong and something is indeed wrong. I think of the things tt made me love her and it's not so much s that. I feel these memories keep going deeper s shit keeps comin on top and piling over it. I keep losing sight of the things. I keep wondering how far I gotta go to keep this relationship afloat. I question the reason I'm doing so, tryin so hard. Because I love her? Because i"m used to her presence in my life? I try hard to hold on to what really made me love her. I wanna noe.

But maybe at the end of it all. This relationship is doomed. Tho we do love each other, there's too much of wrongs in it to work.

It's funny. I used to think tt so long s 2 parties are in a relationship and want the relationship to work, it would be right. Wrong, I applied tt logic in the past as 's long s 2 parties are in a relationship and want A relationship to work' A relationship rather than the. So when Am came along, i formulated somethign new along the way. I figured that as long as two people wanted THE relationship to work, and didn't stop trying, things will work out eventually. It's a matter of sticking to what you have and try to work on it and not give up. But one has to wonder, if no matter how much both parties try, the nuts and bolts won't fit, then what? We both tried. I believe we did. And it really pains me a lot knowing that. We both put in what we thot is needed for the relatiosnhip. It's not fair to say that I was puttin in more sacrifices cos we both did it at different times. We both changed to try to accomodate each other's likes and dislikes. I know if we ever break up one more time, both of us will wonder how something beautiful could've degenerated to such a stage. The sad thing is, I believe that both of us noe some part inside ourselves that things might be easier for both of us to be apart, despite how mcuh we want to be with each other. At least, I'll like to believe that. I think we both wonder if the other party would be happier and if we ourselves would be happier if we were just away from each other. It's not that I don't care for her but as days go by the reasons to seems lesser and lesser. Maybe all this difficultness is simply breakup is never to face and we both don't want to face it again, knowing how painful it is. But in retrospect, if holding on is painful as well, then how's it any better. Maybe cos, there are still brief moments of happiness and mayb that is enough.

But should a relationship hafta be so hard? People might say, things shouldn't be so difficult n should just meld in. People should just weave into each other. Does it mean tt if the going gets tough, you automatically let go? And if not, how do you noe how long to hold on before it's time to let go. Some might say 'you will know', somehow think tt 's a convenient to sayin, 'I don't know but I hafta say something nice to comfort ya'. I dun wan to hafta wait til I need a 3rd party in my life to realise that wad I have is not meant to be. It's not fair for everyone. So then now.

I pray (yes I pray to a God that I dun worship but yet acknowledge a supposed eixstence) that the people I noe who haf their relationship that's working right now to hold on to it for dear life cos somehow, love doesn't realli haf much leeway for wrongs and is more difficult to obtain than we think and prob more so to sustain. Lucks to all.

*All the best to Emmy for her new love in her life.