Post got lost so I'm kinda retypin this. Sorry for those who've been comin to my page only to be met with the same posts. Been kinda busy as you all can guess...

2nd time typin this so somewhat prob shorter and more concise.

We're somewhat normal right now but yet not. Things aren't really the same. Somehow, things are not back to how they were. And I realised some things have changed. Can't say for sure what either.

As slow n retarded as it seems, I've come to a realisation tt as trust is slowly lost, it gets harder n harder to regain. And after the most recent event, it's somewhat different. I'm thinkin more now. LIke when things dun seem to add up, I start wondering where she is and what she's up to. It's not like I don't usually and not tt the worst thought hasn't crept into my mind all these times but somehow, recently, it' affecting me somehow. I don't really noe why. I hate it.

Somehow feels foolish that when it happens, I feel tt mayb I shouldn't haf allowed it or mayb the previous time, I shouldn't haf let things slide that easily. I really don't know. I hate the feelin of not knowing who she's gonna bump into, who she's gonna be with and all that. I hate that. And as always, I have to take it upon myself and wonder, 'what could I have done to prevent this'. But I always never find a concrete answer.

We haven't been tokin these few days. Nothign def. Mayb cos I've been so busy wif school and all and mayb she's wonderin what's going on on my side and why I'm actin so weirdly. But mayb, in truth, she really is acting strangely. It's kina weird now tt 2 times this week, she's called to tell me she's home, rather than the usual smsing. BUt i guess all these might be cos I'm thinkin too much once again

And all these might be because of nothing but the mistrust is very real. Like when seh wanted to go Bali in the march hols. First thing in my head is, who she's gonna meet there this time round. I didn't haf these thots bfore and I hate it tt I haf it now. Fuckin hate it.

Just the other day, I was speakin to someone abt her relationship wif her bf who's overseas. Asked her how she manages, doesn't she worry, (A worries a lot so just tyrin to figure out if it's a normal thing) but she says tt what for. If worry, then affect the relationship. Quite impressive practical gal. But sadly, i find myself guilty of that now and cna i really be blamed? I don't know. I don't want her to knoew tt i don't trust her.

But when i think what is it she can do? There seriously isn't anytrhing. Trust is something which can be proved or gained through one act, it's build over time. I really don't know...