Someone said something to make me wonder the whole ideology behind sex. Apparantly this person knows a friend tt 'goes at it like rabbits' and you'd think tt this gal would be a very sexual person and love it and all right? But apparantly, she doesn't. Well, not tt bad but rather, the whole basis of the act is just so to satisfy the guy so that it's over. Now would be a fair statement if things were initiated by the guy. However, I just realised, I failed to ask whether the gal played a part in the whole thing. But it lead me to think about whether sex is really all, just for the guy? That guys need more than gals? And that it's all for the benefit for the men?

Then I think about those women who claim they love sex so much and I wonder, do they really love the act so much or the love and attention that comes with sex? But maybe tt's just the parcel. Sex ain't just about fucking, bonking or wadeva. I guess in some sense, it's about intimacy with your partner tho I do understand tt guys can do it without any conneciton what so ever. Ethical? I dunno man, I can't judge in that area.

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In another issue, do you sometimes get these moment when you know or that you're supposed to do something to this party but you ain't sure if you are supposed to do something to this party because you wanna and therefore formulate ideas in your head to fuel your desire or izit obvious already anyway?

Cos I offered to send X to the lift after out shooting outing. As we walked, she made a comment about a flasher in her building. I didn't quite take bait and just lamented, why? :S Go figure, but I just thought it a decent thing to do to just send her all the way up. (I'm wondering if she told me abt the flasher just so to get ME to send her up, wadeva the reason tho I'm thinkin in a wishful thinkin kinda way). Anyway, we talked all the way to her unit and I was saying things about how the people tt were interested in her never doing anything cos they're afraid to cross that line and wouldn't wanna put the firendship they already had a risk. Anyway, yak yak yak and she said, it's nice to talk cos always have something interesting to talk. So anyway, we lingered a lil at the corridor outide her unit and I swear, the atmosphere was just saying... KISS HER YOUR ARSEHOLE.... Cos we just lingered there. Or maybe we just dind't noe how to say good bye but she seemed like she was waiting so.. i dunno. Or is it all my imagination. But anyway, I didn't do nuftin but i'm having lotsa ideas in my head to do something the next time tt happens tho :P

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Y msgg me again. Kinda scary cos I jsut came back. Sat down on the bed, and picked up the hp i had thrown on the bed earlier and it rang. Creepy, jsut when I had it in my hand. Was Y askin if I was asleep adn I ddin't reply her. Honestly, I dun really wanna hear her side of things. It throws me off balance and awa from the direction I wanna go. Then the question would be, would X have anything to do with things. I guess it does. It makes me look away from my failed r/s a lil easier. it keeps me focus to 'recovery'? not tt there was anything to recover from anyway. I didn't quite mourn as much as I did when I broke with YL and jsut went on with my own life.

X keeps reminding me about personal life and how everything is her life and whatever she wants to do or lead. And I kinda forogt tt about myself. Where was that guy who walked around the corridors in school in the first year without the care to make all tt many near friends or anything. I was, independent. I wan tt back. :)

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wanna write more but dman sleepy now man.. not coherrent now. dozing off here n there. NOt focused. later today dues. ciao...