FIRST DAY OF SINGLEHOOD?

I had thought that my first day of single hood had gone well. it was a productive day. I had spent the whole mornin n early noon sorting out my songs. En went to help dad. Evening, had an early dinner, watched friends n then gym. Realise, very little internet? :>

En Y msges me askin for forgiveness and tt she's sorry n knows she wrong and asks how I can just give up like that. She promises she will change (we rarely use the word promise, somewhat sacred) so I know she sorta means it.

She msged me a whole bunch of stuff that made me feel so bad and guilty. Did a good job at it too. Cos I felt sucky and a bit of me felt like going back to her cos I felt so bad and responsible in being the one to caused her grief.

But something kept holding me back. That fear tt nothing's gonna change. That everything's gonna go back to being the same and just how long and often am I gonna keep doing that. To keep trying to hope that there'd be a change. Maybe this time she really is bent on changing. But some things are just too late. I feel really really bad that things couldn't work out. And people will ask, why don't you just give her another chance? I dunno really.

I hope that at the end of it all, she realises the things she needs to do. And even at the end of this relationship, she could learn something, a lesson, a point. I guess that's sorta the last thing I can ever do for her.

It pains me a lot to have to leave her to face the world on her own withou me by her side. But maybe it be the best that she do this on her own. I will be sad at the lack of her presence and a huge part of my heart still loves her but knows better than to allow her in once again. Maybe time will replace the painful moments of her with the happier times. And who knows, maybe fate will allow our paths to cross n by then, we'd be more suited for each other.

I'm not banging on that but who really knows.