It's funny how things turned out to be.

Went driving around an hour looking for some dumb soup with Y. Anyway, we weren't all tt normal. I was still as quiet as before. FInally settled down to talk at riverside.

Fastest break up I've ever experienced. The lead up to it took longer. I think we only sat for 3 mins and we were off.

Funnily, i piggy backed her across the field cos the grass was sorta long. Held her hand and all. But when we crossed back the bridge, we were miles apart. If anybody bothered to observe us, they'd have thot it weird. But ah well... Easier for me I guess.

I told her I don't think wanted to with her anymore. She didn't really ask why. And i asked her if she wanted to know why. And I just told her that I couldnt' really trust her anymore which is the main basis of things anyway. She didn't say much.

She did however say, on our way back to the car that it's all just me being insecure. And I'm like KNNB wtf. Anyway, by then, i'm already like whatever. She said no need to send her home. When I drove past her and tried to talk to her, she ignored me. By then, I had it. I just sped off.

I guess she'll never know. A part of me feels anger for being wronged. But yet another, relieved that she was angry cos it made it much easier for me to leave. That that's one thing i dun ever have to face ever again.

When I think about how things have degenerated, I'm somewhat sad, of cos. But like I said, maybe for the better. As much as I wanna tell her the whole entirety, maybe as her friend says, sometimes one just gotta be a bad guy from time to time. And I kept trying to remind myself that.

And for the record, I don't think it's really nothing cos if it was, why then did she say that everything is resolved if in the first place, accoridng to her, there was nothing in the first place. Anyway, I just hope she sorts things out for herself. As much as I wanna take care of her, my place is no longer with her and it's no longer my responsiblity anymore to watch over her.

It's funny that somethings, after years later, hasn't changed.

And maybe on her side, she's tired of all the times I've broken up with her. And I wonder which is the worst of the two evils, breakin up with her or her having interests in other guys. So long as she doesn't seek to understand why, she'll never learn and she'll keep repeating the mistake. i'm saddened that somehow, these few yrs, i never made a significant enough change to her. And end of the day, there wasn't anything I had given her. Maybe happy memories but I doubt that's gonna help her in the storm that is to come. But it's no longer for me to worry anymore. They are her battles to fight now.