Sorry guys for not updating for ages... Probably a few things to cover in this entry.

1) Things between me n A.

2) Thots about the whole wake n all..

Guess it's just these two things cos I'm feeling a tad sleepy right now...


Well, anyway, s u guys know, my grand dad passed away last Saturday. She was there for me. Even tho it is a bit due to me supposedly supposed to meet her to talk things out proper but still, she was there n I was thankful for tt...

Well, he passed away, I didn't really feel somewhat extreme sadness, I knew it inside me but somehow just didn't let it out. Maybe was too concious of everything n everyone around. I did however try to spend as much time as I could with him in the room even tho I knew he wasn't exactly alive. Somehow just comforted me in knowing that I was still in the presence of him even tho he was gone.

A part of me somewhat regrets that I wasn't there for his last breath. I tried to rush down as fast as I could tho I did find it irksome tt my bro didn't feel the same urgency as me. That morning, the nurse had called informing me tt his breathing was more laboured or something along tt line, and that she had increased his dosage of morphine to 10 mg. I didn't think much about it really. Mayb a tinge of something funny gonna happene, but nothing concrete and certain.

Anyway, after he passed away, arrangements were rapidly being made and I was in-charge of gettin the photo done n tt I did with a bit of photoshop weirdly enuff.

Through the week, it was somewhat of a guard duty kinda routine wif my bro wakin me up in the early morning to 'guard' the coffin or wad not. N for the funeral day, i was the 'official' photographer, takin s much photos s I can to document the event.

A bit of me feels bad for the things i didn't do for the sake of takin the pics. I questioned if wad I was doing was right but I took comfort in knowing that my heart was in the right place and that was all that mattered. He didn't mean any less to me. the memories of the past were still there and even tho I don't reminisce it much or neither did it play a prominant role in moulding how I was today, but it was a bit of my past. A part of my younger younger days spent in whampoa wif my grandparents takin care of me. Wasn't anything significant but a part of my history i guess.

Things wif me n A are ok. Guess just came to terms with certain stuff n maybe, her reason might be remotely acceptable. Cos she was somewhat still in shock over the US stint which I todl her about the same time my grand dad had complications. But then some say, it's not excuseable or... it's just an excuse, but the thing tt saved her was a letter that came late mentionin about the whole US stint which was written before the breakup. Of which btw, I broke up with her on wednesday last week. Not sure if I mentioned tt, think i did. So anyway, tt's her reason and I quesitoned her, I can't haf this kinda uncertainty. I need to noe for certain u there or not there, if she ain't there en no pt being around.

Now you'll ask, so what made me change my mind in all this. Well, I somehow had a feeling that things r def gonna be a change for the better after all the things I said to her and how she promised me regarding certain things n tt's enuff to sway me. In fact, nowadays, really seein a change in her attitude n I do see her differently. I quesiton why things r so difficult and forgot tt sometimes, these things r just to test to see if we can hold out the rough times. And I sincerely believe if we came out of these storms, we would be there to stay for each other. Weird s it seems cos right now, I somehow can see things in a better light in terms of 2 of us. She really had me convinced tt she really was gonna change for the better. Guess really, only time can tell...