I'm feeling weak. I dunno why. My hands are numb. They dun seem to feel anything n i dun really know why my body is responding this way. I mean, i know what sparked it but I dunno the reason for the reaction.

Y's attributing all that has happened to her and I'm not sure her is refering to which of the 2 'models'. But I'm amazed by her being able to absolve all blame from herself and I just had to ask her. I had to ask for affirmation. I asked if all that she done and said is not her fault but the fault of 'her'. and she just bluntly said yes.

I really dunno how to answer or reply to such an attitude. I really don't know what to do or what to say. And neither do i know why I'm feeling weak at the exposure of such a reply. Could it be shock? I dunno. But I'm really stumped cos i am simply at a loss of words, replies or comeback what so ever.

End of the day, I just told her, go ask someone about it. If she dares to do and say what she did and manage to reflect blame on another perdson then go right ahead and ask another neutral person to analyse things. Cos I can don't hide what I did nor do I have any shame in what I have done. N currently, anything less or a claim to responsibility and apology is not gonna make me budge or assume normality cos i really can't. I can't put on a front cos I just dunno how to do it. It's too big. It's too, disturbing. I can't dwelve on this now. It sickens, it's nauseating.