I got a whole Grey's Anatomy, Sex in the City self naration kinda vibe going on. Listening to the right music, got the mood, now let's hope the writing befits.
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I've realised that there are some things one's life, that sometimes, one must learn to let go. Afterall, people change, things change. The world doesn't stop spinning for one man. And haven't we heard the age old saying that the only thing constant is change?

Often, people hold on to an old imagery of an idea, a person. That just because this person isn't capable then, he/she will never be capable now. OR at least, not right before our very eyes. Maybe the change is happening right before our very eyes. It's just that we're so blinded by old perceptions that sometimes we fail to see even the most obvious of change, like a caterpillar into a butterfly.

Some people keep holding on to this mentality for the rest of their lives. Unable to change. Maybe even unwilling to let go because, somehow, it feels like a part of you is lost. Much more when the object/person/idea is something that you've spent so much energy and time to care for.

Sometimes, we're so caught with things that we fail to change with the times, keep aware of the things right under our noses. How often have we heard the whole cliche bit of how parents not realising how grown up their kids are? I now understand why sometimes, even now, my mom still takes care of us despite me n bro being in our mid n late 20s.





It's funny. All this time of me hoping that Y would be independant, I've never really given her the opportunity to do so. I never realised that making mistakes is also part of a lesson. Cos all this time, I kept tryin to drill into her head, that this is wrong, this is right. Whoever said I was correct. Why am I constantly moulding her to what I perceive as being right? I've been told off by her countless times for this. Really, what makes my thinkin better than hers? Is it because I think that she's unreliable, not credible and incomptent? I think I've admited that that had been the case. But I guess for her to change, in my eyes, I have to also change my perception along with hers. Allow her to grow her own views. Let her learn her lessons. Let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. When she falls, let her BUT be there to pick her up so she can face the next challenge. I think that's all I can do now.

Too often in the past, I've thought too lowly of her. I've babied her, worried for her, her health, wealth and welfare, always thinkin that she's not capable of takin care of herself. Maybe it's time I believed otherwise. Believe that whatever she does has a reason, and a purpose. And even if it seems like there isn't, trust her instincts. We are human afterall and we do make mistakes. Why should she be perfect and be any different?

But it's not going to be easy cos for close to 3 years, I've always thought of her as a baby. Needing to be fed, taken care of.

Sadly, it can't entirely be the case. I need to keep things from her still because some things, I just can't take the risk of her finding out based on past experience and I do know it's a contradiction of what I had mentioned above. But if I can hide it, I will. Which is saddenin.

I was tellin X today about how wrong I think my r/s is running. I no longer tell Y everything. And at some point, it bugs me. It bugs me because this is contrary to what I believed in a r/s. In my partner. My partner should know everything about me. She should have the right to know where I'm at, and with whom and neither should I feel a need to hide it from her. And so long as she is cool with things, I will willingly offer information like in the past. Simply cos, I don't believe that my partner should ever have a problem answering quesitons on my whereabouts. You're my partner for god's sake. If you don't know, who does. If I'm on a shoot and get knocked down, least you could answer why I was there rather than, I don't know what he was doing there. It reflects on us as individuals and as a pair. It shows the concern and care we have for each other. N it shows that we care enough to update our partners just so they won't worry.

I used to believe in that. Now I'm just worried what she'll get angry about with what I do, who I go out with and where. So people who are questionable, I ommitand censor from her. Simply cos it's easier. It's not that I never tried. I guess I just gave up believing. Believing that she might actually learn to deal. Hoping that she might accept things. Wishing that she would change just so I could tell her anything without worrying that she'd get angry or be upset.

And now I'm in a dilema. Cos I dun know what to think of her anymore. And if I don't, then what do I really know? My partner is supposed to be someone I know inside out.

It's not meant to be this way.