Oh.. the war begins yet again AND... all over again...

Sobz.. I feel used man...

It's like she stopped being angry with me just cos she needed to ask me stuff about her proj (which i guess she could have done it on her own anyway but was pressed for time..) AND to go down to the IT exhibition cos she needed my input on it or somehting. And maybe cos it's the weekend.

Alterntatively, I could be givin myself too much credit but somehow, it feels like she takes the initiative to make up when she needs something. Or maybe it feels that way cos it's normally the case already anyway. Like she asks stuff of me on normal basis already and more apparent when we just making up but hell, it sure feels like it, freakin hell.

Have the right mind to make things not easy till after monday cos she had asked me to go down to check things out for her. But no changed her mind and decided to do things herself cos things weren't tt dandy with us AND also cos it's prob not so immediate a deadline as friday's one. Fucking hell.... I feel cheap :'(

X hit the spot when she asked tt if I feel that things don't really matter and that if it does break, i'll just accept it anyway. But she also said tt tho I might feel tt way, it actually DOES matter. I've yet to see it yet cos right now, I got enough things to worry about as it is. For me, her not being here right now just means I can focus on my test and study.

The weird thing is that X nags at me to study and funnily enuff, Y just nuas with me. She doesn't feel that I oughtta buck up or anything or give me an push. And in fact hampens progress cos I nua with her (not tt i'm complainin with nuaing with her but not the thing I need right now). Sooo... in a weird way, i'm glad cos least I can do my stuff.

I thot about wad ol fat boy said about probably need to condition her to accept all these things about letting Y, the gf, get accustomed to ladies and all.

We've acknowledged that obviously, as much as possible, i wanna surround myself with enough potential people which I can also at the same time use for shoots. More so when my themes are risque. There needs to be a level of trust between my subject and me. I would even go to as far as saying there must be chemistry and a level of comfort. I guess as a gf, it's not comforting knowin your dude is going around knowing pretty people who i may be able to relate more to than herself.

As much as I wan to block all these from the gf (Y), it's just not possible and might even prove to be a mammoth task cos I can block 1-2 persons, but when my circle exapnds and more such people enter, it's gonna be impossible for me to hide EVERYTHING. I AM capable of hiding things from her and if I do, I would even go as far as saying that it is her forcing me to do so. But it's only a short term solution and even an easy one at that.

I've said what i could say on my part. Sent her assurances when in the past, i've not done anything remotely so. And short of sayin I would severe friendships, there's nothing much else I can do.

Yeah, I coudl lay off the mentioning "too often "names which she doe't like to hear that much.

I wanted a open r/s but I guess that's gonna be a bit tough and prob jumping too far ahead. It's like shock terapy to her right now.

Anyway, I've cooled down from my cycling to vid ezy to return a dvd. Which was wad prompted me to write this. Now gonna get down to mah studying.