Do excuse the extreme typos if any. I'm typing without my glasses on. Masking face.

AFTERTHOUGHTS

If there's anything I got outta the conversation with ITLN girl is that I really SHOULD man up. She ddin't really tell me that directly but that's rally the lesson I got. And she made me realise all the silly things I've always thought , just to protect myself.

I've always told myself that, I don't want to have to many relationships cos with each one, a part of me dies. But what I don't realise is though a part of me dies, another part of me is reborn.

I love LOVE. And if there's one thing me and ITALIAN girl both agree on is that, 2 people should be their seperate entity that come together. They should be self sufficient and self reliant.

She had mentioned before, if one party was cheating, then maybe the relationship is not right already. My logic was always an excuse and a defense against why if and when I cheated, I'd be doing the r/s justice and also for some strange twisted way, doing my partner a favour cos I didn't want to burden her with my needs. I don't know why it's never occurred to me, that maybe, just possibly, that it's a 2 way street. That there would come days where she would have needs and I'd be obliged to fulfil them.

It's funny.... it's always been there and I've always witnessed it but I never acknowledged it. Girls too have the same needs as guys. And I who have always been championing that there should be no double standard. I, who would give a high five to a girl if she wasn' a prude and would have her sexcapades and all. But the idea of me dating a person who would be normal and have needs, that idea, just for some very stupid reason, would never enter my mind.

The odd thing is, when such a person comes along to offer herself to me, my defenses come up and I start manipulating the situation and would do what's not expected of me just cause I don't like to be predictable and fall into stereotype.

We shall see. Will try to update a lil bit more when i have a clearer mind. i'm dozing off quite badly now..