SELF ANALYSIS

so there's a possibility of someone who would really love me. Why wouldn't i want to take it?

The thought of commiting too much into a r/s is oddly scary and I wonder if i'm jus using me wanting to focus on my work as an excuse.

Oddly enough, I just watched C@sin0 R0yalé and somehow, I feel like I kinda don't wanna put myself out there. I want to protect myself and not have to feel vulnerable when i'm with someone and end up with the possiblity of a heartbreak. I thoguht about that ytd too when I was dog sitting for a friend. I could never own a pet as much as I want to cos I know I can't care for them as much as I should and also if I know i'd lose them eventually and I don't think I can deal with that kind of heartbreak.

Maybe it really IS easier to shield yourself, be cold to the world... but on some lonely nights, I do think, wonder and feel sorry for myself for the choices I made that lead me to my predicament. Cos I know deep down inside, I know what is it I seek and desire. And a part of me also feels I don't deserve it either.

So much in believing in myself as well...

Oh the dilema... :) no one knows....