So as usual, my moods, way i think is ever changing which I'm not sure if that's ever a cause for celebration or worry.

I was reading my last entry and find it ironic when I think about what I want to say today.

So as usual, I have a new crush again. And the thing about me is I always try very hard to regulate it even though it doesn't seem to be the case.

So no more married women this time. But it seems like i haven't waned off the tendency towards people who are younger.. dammit...

But. it ani't as bad now, she's 20... so it's just 7 years difference!!!! :D

I'm not sure if anyone's noticed the influx of photos I've posted up and who i've been photographing and been photographed with. So anyway, that's the chick I'm digging now.

A lot about her reminds me of YL. She's pretty tom boyish. Heck, she knows more about what's going on in soccer than I do -___- But I love hanging out with her a lot. I mean, we actually have fun doing stuff and gong out. And she makes me not feel like I need to act my age. And no, it's not so much that she makes me feel younger. BUt it's just the whole freedom to be goofy knowing that she's equally so just makes it so much more enjoyable to hang out with.That's the one character trait I love about her.

And thankfully, despite her age, she's pretty mature (i might want to be careful with that though cos that's what I thought of 'the baby' -last person i dated) and well, let's just say, I've learnt to see that she's still not grown up at all and she handles situations really badly.

Oh, and we have a lot of fun singing too. :D She has initiative and isn't just passive with things. It was just the little things I noticed before I started expressing interest in her. It first started out as, oh, she lives nearby, let's hang out.

So obviously there comes some points to offset the awesomeness of her. She's never been in a r/s before. She's had close guy friends whom she's hung out a lot with but never a r/s. I'm puzzled by that and wonder if it's cos she's always moving every 3 years odd (parents military).

So yeah, there's the inexperience of her and relationships. And she's somewhat conservative yet not. I dunno. Then there's the worry of a inbalance of sexual experience. BUt maybe I'm thinking too much about it cos, well, there's always going to be an inbalance some way or another. And it's all really a matter of me being patient with things and believing that things may work out.

Right now, I'm just trying to avoid rushing into things. The good thing is i'm not afraid that i'm calling or asking her out too often cos 2 weeks bac k, it was already almost every other day. But knowing her, it really IS just as a friend. Maybe. I dunno. I mean, she's a really nice person in general. And so far, I haven't really sensed her really going out of the way with regards to me. But I may be a retard and dismissing her efforts if anything cos I so need someone to be direct to me for me to get that they're interested.Apparently it's the same for her as well... greeat..... which probably is the reason why we're able to hang out so much as well I reckon.

She's away for 2 weeks and for the whole of last week, i missed her. It might be due to the fact that we hung out a lot before she left so now i'm just feeling this void. My friend seems to insist that it's cos she means something to me.

SO ehre's my dilema which is common enough a problem for most people. I cherish her friendship and company a lot. I dont' want to lose it. She's someone I want to retain as a friend. With 'the baby', not so much. But with (let's call her tough chick) tough chick, I don't want to lose the friendship. And somehow, i fear and feel that if we ever dated, it might jeopardise what we already have. Am i rushing into things? Will I fall back to the problem I had before where I start dating someone and then realise later that I'm not ready for a r/s? Am I even ready to have a r/s now? I feel like I should hold back and wait till the next term is over cos next term is going to be really hectic for me. But yet, I don't quite know why I feel the need to rush to secure this. A friend mentions that I might be afraid that I would lose her to other people. And I think I do. And I really hate to want to say that I want her to mine because that's not the case.

Maybe it's a phase but yet, right now, i don't quite want it to be a phase. I feel she's someone of a keeper. I dunno, we'll hang out a lil more and see how that goes. Trying to go somewhere with her, maybe a short road trip.

Sigh.. i dunno.. One more week before she returns and I do miss her.