It's so funny that just yesterday I was saying how things are better between the both of us and today, things broke down like a thin biscuit.

I don't even know where or how to start. She was angry about how things weren't going right. And didn't really wanna talk. And had the nerve to say "you may go now" when I was sending her back tho she argues there's nothing wrong with the way she said things. Well, I was very very angry with her today. Superly pissed. I realised somehow, I was having a lot of expectations of how things should be turning out this couple of days. I was pissed last night at how she was asleep when I sent her back. Really felt like a chauffer. I really wanted a talk. I was pissed today at how a teasing made her angry. I was angry at her being angry and jeopardizing the whole evening and tomorrow. And at the back of my mind, I kept wondering why she kept trying to shoo me off when i insisted I wanted to send her back. Her HP alert for sms kept going off so that didn't help my imagination either. I am so pissed with her that I started blasting her after I left her. Bombarding her with msges about how I should have given up expectations and all. And how everything seemed to revolve around her wanting her plans and blah blah blah... The list goes on. Who knows. Maybe the whole incident might have been my doing and I should've just been more supportive and went with whatever she had wanted while shelving my own ideas for the night and tomorrow. Regardless of anything, the pissing bit was that she was angry and that just tipped everything cos I thot that was very selfish for her as well.

So now here I am, alone in my room. Pissed going to disappointment and sadness to how the night turned out. It's different somehow tonight. I really hated how she reacted to things tonight. I really really hated it. I hate how I'm feeling because of her. And to me, all I see is her being selfish. Somehow, that anger's just slowly turning to hurt. And to think just last week or something, she had said she promised not to hurt me anymore. Fucking bullshit. I should've known better. A leopard can never change its spots. Idiotic of me to have expected otherwise. Maybe it's better to be how I was in the past afterall. All these emotional outbreaks are defintely not something I would want or need. Better to be this numb, hard ass bastard anyway. Least I'm rational. Tonight, I wasn't being myself and clearly am making things worst. Defnitely not helping the situation. Illogical on my part but like I said, I guess it was silly for me to have tried to expect how things might go tonight. GUess I was disappointed and pissed at her for being pissed and also gettin my plans awry. Really wonder why I even bother trying.

Bah. Whatever. Don't feel like talking. Don't feel like chatting. Don't feel like anything really. Heck, if a naked lady stood infront of me right now, I'd just ask her to fuck off. Just wanna be left alone. Couped up in my room and just wallow in a depressive state and just doze off hopefully. Currently, things suck. FUCK!!!!