I feel like changing my hair style. Someone told me on this trip that when things like these happen, it means that there is a big change that is going to happen. Now I wonder if that might be true. Could it be in reference to possibly next year's events (furthering studies or not)? Or could it be in reference to my experiences over here and how I'm tryin to change a bit of how I should be in order to better myself.

For the past year, I've learnt a lot (tho might not be enough) about the world out there. Sometimes, as much as I want to believe that it's nice and all, it's not as simple and easy as I would like to imagine it to be. There are times, I do think I think too horribly about the world and maybe it ain't as bad as I think it to be. But events happen which leads me to think twice about the latter thought. Vin might have gotten a good view of how tough things are in the media world and maybe in the workin world as well when in MCM. I wouldn't say that it's smooth sailing where I was as I think I had a fair bit (not as much I'm sure) of politics and under tables and what nots.

I've always thought of myself sometimes as being ignorant of the things around me. When in Brewerkz, some complained of the politics of the restaurant and I wasn't even aware of any. I was somewhat glad of that, that not knowing somehow made day to day working easier. Or maybe I was involved but just didn't know it. BUt I've come to learn that just because I ain't aware of it, doesn't mean I won't be affected by it. It's a rough world out there and in this trip, I've learnt that sometimes, in order to succeed, in order to know the right channels, one sometimes has to be plastic, one has to plan who he/she meets or has to meet, in order to get things done. I guess that's business for you. I'm tellin all now, I dread that but I think I've gotta come to accept that sometimes, these things are neccesary to survive. I've come to understand that sometimes, to be successful, it's all a matter of contacts. I'm not discounting talent as well but talents may not get you there all the way. So as I work on my talent right now, I've gotta work on my contacts at the same time.

And in the course of doing these, there are times one has to sell himself out which disgusts me but again, sometimes it's neccesary is it not? End of it all, we're all like the plastic smiles which cashiers flash at you which is why, at the end of the day, I believe and am thankful for the friends I have whom I know won't ever political with ya, won't calculate the amount of effort put in cos they are your friends, nothing less. And in the world where we have to be 'plastic', it's nice to have a place to be yourself, to be who you are. I just hope that I won't ever lose myself.

REGRET
As the heading says, I feel that and guilt as to what I've done in the course of the trip and I didn't really realise it till the other day when i was at the Walgreene supermart and I was payin for noodles or soemthign i can't quite remember and I saw a disposable camera then I remembered that few cities ago, I had wanted to buy a B&W disposable to try it out. Figured it would be cool to try a B&W but somehow, I couldn't bear to get it and the reason was money. It's not that I'm running out of money (there's always the availability of a credit card) but it's because I've spent so much now that any added costs would need to be considered carefully and the camera at that moment was a luxury I thought I couldn't afford.

And right nwo, i hate myself for having spent what I've spent on. I hated that I lost my senses, those that told me the logic behind things, that some of the items I bought are unnecessary. I mean, some things I bot, i wouldn't even think of gettin in Singapore, let alone here so what gives. I found myself reasoning that, ohz, it's cause it's either cheaper or if I didn't get it now, i couldn't get it later. I mean, wassup? Back home, i would've thought, hey, do I really need it? Ironically, at the startof the trip, I was complaining of a lack of DVD titles to buy, right now, I think it's gotten to my head. I wish I had just went back to my old mode of mentality, if got nothing to get, don't go lookin for something.

As the time passed, I realised I lost track and focus of my goal, my ambition and that realisation came at that moment at the supermart. Now, I feel horrid, guilty of what I've done or rather failed to control.

Next week, it's gonna be to Las Vegas if all works out well. It's gonna be a hit and run thing, Over there to soak up the life, control my spending and do what I loved to do. Takin pictures.

I hope everyone's well back home. Havent' been reading much updates on your blogs so ain't sure if you guys are ok. We still on for July gathering right? Could wings post it up on the yahoo groups?Thanks. Ain't sure of the exact dates.

Alright, take care all. Miss you guys. See you soon.