WHAT IS LOVE AND ITS RELATIONSHIP TO ME

These few days were kinda weird or different with Amy. Might be cos she had some difficulties somewhere. I dunno. But me feelin distant made my mind's gears start spinnin again.

I asked myself what izit about love I believed in. And after my previous relationship, what was it I still believed. And with all that has happened in the past with this relationship, I wonder and question if I still hold on to those beliefs in love and its relationship. What are these beliefs some of u might ask.

I believed that in a relationship, devotion should never be attained through, control, possession or promises. I believed a relationship should not be held together just because of a promise, or because one believes that the other party would be hurt. 2 parties should be together just because they want to be with each other, nothing else. Maybe that's why I never believed or taken in so much about marriage. I find it nulls the ideology of what two people should be. Nor should two people be together just because they feel bad to leave the other person or feel that one owes the other so much, that leavin is just the wrong thing to do.

I question right now and wonder what A is doing and how she's copin and who she might be with. Now you ask, is it fair to doubt her, to distrust her. But in defense, hasnt history proven things against her favour in this area? But of course, in order for the relationship to function properly, I have to put behind all these fears. But I question myself sometimes that would things be better if i restricted who she saw and what she did. I mean, how long can a relationship go if things were that way. But yet when shit happens, I think to myself, would it all be prevented if I had done what most sane people would do and just control.

But i gotta tell and remind myself what's true in a relationship and what I truly believed in. And tho experiences may leave me jaded and losing in faith, but so long the belief's there and that it is what i want, maybe, I can finally come to trust how things are when we are so far apart and sucha long period away.

Fortunately, things are seemin to be normal now and my fears for the past few days are probably for not/nought/naught(???). I wish I could write more but I gotta go for work now. I hope to write more tonight. Been wantin to write for all so long for the past few days but only managed to get the chance now. Till another time. Hope everyone's alright. I'll be back in close to a month's time. See ya all.