I just came back from a disasturous production day. And we haven't even started shootin and i've got accidents happenin all over to me. Dropped a tripod on me foot, bruised my hip and knee. And the film hasn't even rolled yet :p

Anyway, just have a gripe about things and people in general. Or rather, specific groups of people. Some may see me insensitive or heartless and maybe they're right but hey, wad can i say, that's how I deal with life and what they throw at me.

When I was younger, I was a depressive bugger. Mayb my friends in sec may notice, mayb not but i was a negative bugger. Every lil thing that had some indication of 'badness', I would automatically question myself, "why the fuck are things going so wrong for me?" Of cos, i do the usualy bout of things so as to get attention for myself. Close friend of mine has a problematic sibling who's sorta like tt right now, doing all sorts of things to get attention as well as hating my frined and the other siblings. Of cos, my friend has no idea what sparked the hostility but I kinda can understand cos I can safely say that no matter how u think u've not stepped on their toes, in their minds, it will always be that you're against them, even if u dun do anything.

My point is, there are some who will always have a negative thinkin and intepration of life and what comes it's way. Some use it so often that it becomes tiresome to listen to (fyi, em, u ain't one of them) and some, I just get tired witnessing. You see, I'm a skeptic towards certain people. To thoese who've earned my trust through time and where I see no reason for a facade then by all means, I take your word for it. BUT when a handicap becomes a convenient way out of things or to gain sympathy, it just becomes lame, cheap and adolescent. Of cos, I am talkin about fixed mentalities and I myself may be guilty of it right now by havina stereotype of some groups of people. And mayb, my perception of things may be inaccurate or totally wrong but I do believe that I do know a tad bit about feeling that my life is going down hill or that I have no reason to live. And in that sense, mayb it ain't that wrong for me to pass judgement after all. For it's a 'been there, done that' for me and now I've come out a better person kinda thing. Who has not landed in the pits before and felt the whole world is against them. But it's how u pick yourself up that's gonnna be crucial rather than wallowing (typo?) in your own pity and others as well cos pity only goes so far and soon, it'll just ooze away and you're back to square one anyway.

And if anybody were to know what i'm tokin about, like i said, can call me heartless or insensitive but hey, I am afterall a skeptic and I do think I've made a good judgement of characters before and I ain't that gullible so in all fairness, I am somewhat justified with not so much certainty but enough anyway.

That's just my gripe. I'll be having confounded shoots for the next 3 days and I'm already kinda tired, but hey, the world doesn't stop for me so gotta try to move on or sleep, which ever...

Take care all, All the best and stay positive and sane. :)