Funny how I said that I wouldn't be writing very soon.

It's been a shitty week between me and amy. It's not so much about bickerin. It's just I realli dunno how to handle her at times like this. I had an arguement with her last night. (rarely you hear this word from me) but fact is we did have an arguement which kinda ended me storming to get the taxi for her while she was storming behind me as well. I was very very very very pissed with her. And it's times like these I question, can I rely on her to stand beside me when shit comes between us. I felt that the whole of last week didn't go too well between us because I was very very busy. But yet, despite it all, i felt I couldn't concentrate on my work without worryin whether she was alright as in alright with me doing my work. I know she is a bit lan lan that I'm workin and tt it's her hols but yet, I feel that she's pissed, not sure if with me or not but sure felt that it was. I mean, time is already precious as it is, the last thing needed is makin the rare moment spent together sulking. And if this can't be resolved I dunno how else is the future gonna be. I wanna be able to do my work, knowing she is ok and understanding about it. I tried to think that she was even though I had my doubts.

But yesterday just made me trip. She had asked if it was possible.I could send her home when my bro comes home with the car. I said can but the way I had said it had made me sound unwilling. Maybe I'm too sian si, and honest for my own good but I said of course i was unwilling but I would still do it because I dun believe in sugar (suger?) coating. It's not me. If it sucks, I'll tell u it sucks. Period. She wasn't too happy with that. And after a while, she insisted that she had wanted to go home and I told her i can send her home in the morning when I'm on my way for auditions but she refused. She wanted a good morning of sleep before school starts proper again. She wanted to take a cab home which i initially 'okayed' it but she later was sorta irked that I acutally allowed it (i think). Well, anyway, I wasn't ok but if she wanted to then by all means. The last time I tried to intervene with something, I got the phone slammed so let her go ahead. Girls are freakin fickle. One minute, they wan you to care for you, the next minute, they dun wan u to cos they know better but yet they still wan you to think for them and take care of them or what not. Make up your fucking minds, yes or no. Simple. What tripped me was the fact that she had assumed that I did not care for her by not being willing, and also not understanding her wanting to sleep her morning nicely rather then going home at an odd morning hour. Then what about me? I've already had 4 hours sleep nights last week with friday being only 2 hours. I managed to compentsate it on friday night by sleepin 11 hours. But that aside, she wants me to send her home at 3-4 fuckin AM while I'm gonna be wakin up in 4 HOURS TIME WHILE SLEEPS ON AT HOME!!!!! What the fuck. Now, who's selfish. That is why she will never understand the significance and priority of work to me. That is why I've come to a conclusion adn decision to never ever involve her in my work. Ever. To never consider her when i'm doing my work cos it isn't worth it the few times I did. On that note, I dun wanna think for her and leave her to do what she pleases cos appreciation is nvr readily there. What's the point of doing something when someone thinks you're doing otherwise. What's the point? Fuckin cursing and swearign the whole time i was walkin back home after i sent her to the main road. Fuckin fuckin fuckin pissed. Alf might be right that girls are nothing but trouble. I really question myself now, when do you get to the point when enough is enough. When?

All I ask for is understanding in stressful times like these and if need to, leave me to my work, not let me worry and wonder if things are alright. I don't want that.

In some way, I'm glad she doesn't read this. If this goes on, I'm going get more and more tired. I don't think I ask a lot. Do I? I dunno. I'm just gonna get to my work proper. Can't go wrong with that. It's objective. I'm hungry as well so I'm gonna eat. I'm sorry you guys gotta hear me bitch and whine. I just wanna let it out. It's gonna be another busy week for me once again. I'll catch you all sometime soon.