Had Specialist Meeting yesterday at 5pm wif Rainah and Sham first b4 the rest of em came. Quite an ok meeting...

Came home. Spoke to Amy for awhile. Then she kinda got pissed and all. Think cos she wanted to meet me later today and had shifted plans but i didn't noe and was saying I might be meeting jos to help him shift stuff and tt I might be helping Reel Loco wif a shoot over the weekend. Anyway, realise tt nowadays, I kinda haf a lesser tolerance of her nonsense. She can't really take disappointments very well and be very quiet when she realises tt things dun turn out they expect. She mentions tt she may go out wif the blockhead to club on friday. Seriously ok wif it. But in our earlier discussion few weeks back, if she can trust him 100% then carry on, if not, then don't She says, quite true, can't trust fully as much as a friend. And yet she plays this with me... FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Tired tired tired. I somehow can't feel that it's seriously too much leeway for her in this sense. I'm tired of her tempermants. Can she always be forgiven what she always does? Should I forgive always? Listening to Breakin the Habit. No idea why. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very very pissed........

Fucking hate it. When times like these, I hafta feel responsible. Am i supposed to take it as it is and that she's just having one of her moods. The last thing i need sometimes is her and this kinda mood. I was havin sucha tough time with my script the other and she had to dish this out to me. Meet and give me tempermants. And before the show, tell me she feels tt she acted like the loser. So what the fuck is she doing now... wad.w a.d wad...........!!!!!!!!!

What am i holding on for? Where is this all going? Where where where????

Problems may arise some may say but things usually work out for the better... where the hell r we going with this. She sometimes is disheartened that I can't consider or never think or dream abt future with her and I noe I can't when we still haf these problems to solve. Sometimes I wonder if "not being to help it" just a too convenient excuse. FUCKING CONVENIENT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

had it had it.......... no more nice guy... no more good person...... arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*guess you'll be hearing it here after all rainah......*